I was simply curious really. I wanted to know what my brain was like when it wasn't on a deadline. I have vague memories of school summer vacations and unstructured days. But what does those memories mean to a middle-aged and chronically stressed old woman? I'm way past summer crushes and loafing on the sofa reading a book about horses. I have RESPONSIBILITIES.
Well here some things I have learned so far.
1. Extra time allows indulgence in FEELINGS.
Who knew that emotions would be something to look forward to? Years of unmedicated OCD is excellent training to resist impulse and jettison feeling of any sort-no time to figure out if they really related to reality. Work worlds and family relationships are cram packed with other humans emotional flotsam and jetsom. Mighty crowded air waves.
To be able to let sand run through my fingers at sunset at White Sands National Monument, and understand awe in the connection between light and wind and geology and time. Soaking in song on the radio and recognizing...holy crap...enjoyment.
And here I thought Prozac made me flat.
2. Extra time means mistakes can be corrected.
OK duh. But compressed time is the demand of the profession. Couple that with liability and you have a recipe for coming up with a quick safe solution and learning to work around mistakes on the run. Out here in the real world, away from budgets and billing rates, it's really okay to unravel all that knitting and start over.
3.It's easier to exercise when not exhausted.
Again, duh. Turns out my favorite time to go on a fierce bike ride or a long cross town walk with the dog is at 2pm after lunch. That time slot has not been available since I became a partner. Forget this get up in the morning and do yoga crap, there was always email to answer. And that whole go to the gym after another harried day in the office thing? Not when JD is home with a hand crafted beverage waiting for me and it is past ten pm anyway. Not being on a deadline really does mean I have the brainspace to actually commit to a real sweaty workout.
4. Playing with food is fun.
It is actually interesting stuff. I had forgotten. It has texture. And taste IS important. Bad coffee really is AWFUL. Calories relate to substances and not just something to write down on my smartphone on the way back to my desk.
And this is just in the week since we have stopped being on the move. Which brings me to
5. Home is a prerequisite for epiphany.
I mistook movement for accomplishment. Travel to someone who has been around the world multiple times is different than for someone with their first passport. It's a distraction, like work is. Like cleaning the house over and over is. Travel provides info, pictures, novelty, memory, even skill, but putting it all together takes...being still.
Yea I know a million people have already wrote about the value of silence. I'm trying to not allow inner voice of sarcasm override the fact I finally got it. I may be slow, but I hope that you will believe that I will come along eventually.
Cheers, Susie of the west
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